is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
