First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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