it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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