Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
