She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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