I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
