I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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