I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
