Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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