I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
