What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
