im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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