There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
