Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i love accidental penises.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
