she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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