I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Jerry, you need to find god
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
