I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
