every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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