At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
