Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
