Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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