Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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