I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Houston, we have a squirter
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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