Nicole vs. Life
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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