I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
