i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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