If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
