Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
