Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
