everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
