I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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