His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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