where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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