Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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