I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
