I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
