Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
