I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
