the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did you just send me my own nude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize