I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
