If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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