Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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