the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
