Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
