ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
