A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
