so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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