So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
