The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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