At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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