a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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