there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
