i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
