plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
