areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
