good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
