You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
