The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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