I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
