I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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