george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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