Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
