i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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