Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
