Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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