are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
