guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize