I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he fucked my hip out of place.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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