I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Who died my cat blue again?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
