He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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