Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
