He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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