I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
