I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
