Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize