my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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