Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
