I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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