I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
